I loved Legos when I was a kid. I bought them for my kids so I could play with them again. Recently, I heard a speaker (Larry Osborne) compare people to Legos. There are different size legos with different size connections. Different people have a different number of connections available with other people. Some people are much more gregarious and have the desire and time to connect with a lot of people. Others want only 2 or 3 friends.
Each lego piece has a limited number of connections. When it is full, you can't connect it to any other piece unless you pull off another piece. This is also true of people. We only have a limited capacity for connections with other people.
Friendliness is different from connection. We tell the people in church to be friendly. That's good, but not enough. People want more than friendliness; they want friends.
Everybody wants some connections to other people. One of the best helps for long term discipleship is long term relationships. To help "close the back door" of the church, we need to help people develop connections with other people. Some people continue to go to a church where they don't like a lot that is going on. But they stay in that church because that is where their friends are. We all want to have a few friends in church.
Strong ties come from relationships that are long-term, frequent, and vulnerable. After a time, we learn to feel comfortable with certain people and we can tell them things that we wouldn't mention to others.
So how do we help people develop long term relationships? Not by dividing the Sunday School classes or small groups and making people get in a new one every 6 months. Let people stay with their friends. Some will want to move on because they didn't connect. Have opportunities for new groups. Maybe a semester setup would give people that opportunity to try another group. It would also give new people a good time to start in a group. A new person probably has more connection openings.
However you solve this, we have to make a conscious effort and process where we help people get connected. If that lego in your church has no connections to others in church, soon you won't see that lego in church.
I love word pictures and that is a good one. I especially liked the differentiation between being friendly and being friends. I think they are two different things. Finding true connections is not easy, but I do agree that it is key to helping people stay in a church.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this, and so needed to hear it! For me, this has been an especially large challenge. Since this is the first time I've worked in a home missions church, I oftentimes make the mistake of comparing the people and the work here in NY to what I left behind.
ReplyDeleteThis was a nice reminder that there is beauty in our differences, and we have to work hard at building friendships, and not just be friendly.
Hey Pastor Atwood,
ReplyDeleteThis is Gary Norris. Great to see you and Sandy again on here. I am a worship leader now and travel to churches, camps, and retreats/conferences leading worship with a ministry I started a year ago called ONEWorship Ministry. My blog is www.oneworshipministry.blogspot.com
and my youtube is
www.youtube.com/oneworsipmnstry
Check me out. It would be an honor to ministry with the Freewill Baptists. Let me know if you need someone to lead worship of do a worship concert for a group of cooperating churches. I just got back from Maryland where I led our "1on1 with God Concert of Worship" and 3 were gloriously saved....PRAISE HIM!!! My cell is 828-281-4732. It would be great to hear from you. Be Blesssed and give the family my love.
Gary